DEEP BLUE SEA: Smart Sharks, Dumb Movie

  OK, sometimes I just don’t get it.  When I watch a movie here at work, the sequence of events is as follows:  I watch the movie, then I look up a few reviews to see if I missed anything, or to see if my own thoughts mesh with the reviewers.  In the course of my readings, I’ll generally come up with at least a few reviews where my own thoughts are echoed.  With Deep Blue Sea, it looks like I might be stranded on my own lonely island in terms of my thoughts.  I was flabbergasted to see that the esteemed Roger Ebert gave this movie three stars, and immediately set about trying to find what shreds of good movie making I missed!  Unfortunately, the only “shreds” were what was left over from the ultra-violent shark attacks! 
  I even tried putting my mind in a place where reality didn’t matter:  ie, that the main premise of creating intelligent sharks could actually happen.  But you know where this movie lost me?  When Samuel L. Jackson’s character was snatched in mid-speech and gobbled up.  The effect was done so poorly graphically, that I couldn’t help but think of Jaws 3!  Perhaps I’m a bit jaded from having to watch Jaws 3 and Jaws: The Revenge immediately before Deep Blue Sea.  I mean, a human being can handle seeing just so many poorly portrayed shark attacks!!  The star of the show was LL Cool J, whose performance gives this movie what little merit it deserves.  Saffron Burrows is sexy, and the requisite bikini shot as she fries one of the fish will make all the voyeurs happy.  But her acting is stale and lifeless.  Seeing sharks swimming down passageways, opening doors, turning on ovens, and swimming backwards?  Sorry.  Doesn’t work for me. 

2 out of 10